


Kids

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Children, Drama, F/M, Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-26
Updated: 2007-11-26
Packaged: 2019-05-31 08:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15115382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: Sam did not want her to catch him staring at her, though that never bothered him in the past.





	Kids

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

“Honey, I'm home. Josh is with me.”

“Daddy!”

“Lin!”

The toddler came running into the living room, heading straight to her father. She wore a lavender turtleneck but her bottom was bare. Sam scooped her into his arms.

“Hey baby, baby.” Sam covered her face with kisses as she giggled furiously. “Are you running from mommy?”

“Diaper change.” Tish held the clean diaper up. She accepted Sam’s kiss. “Hey Josh.”

“Hey Tish. Hey there Lin Lin.”

He clucked her under the chin but the baby focused solely on her father.

“Home daddy?” she asked.

“Yes I am. You need to go with mommy and get your little bottom covered. Go on, be a sweet baby for daddy.”

He kissed her once more, handing her back to Tish.

“Thank you. I made dinner if you're hungry. There is turkey meatloaf, scalloped potatoes, and brussel sprouts.”

Josh tried to smile but could not bring himself to do it. He hated brussel sprouts.

“Maybe later honey.” He and Josh walked toward the study. “We are just going to work on some crime statistics. The faster we get started, the faster we’re done.”

“Well, at least make sure to kiss your children before you bury yourself in work, OK?”

Sam was unsure of the tone of his wife’s voice. Had he done something wrong? He had been so busy lately he would not remember if he had. Tish usually told him when he had. Josh went into the study with a pat on the back, the promise of beer in the mini fridge as Sam joined his family in the den.

A Blue’s Clues DVD was on the television. It engrossed Melinda enough for a relatively painless diaper change. She was growing up fast…Tish planned to begin potty training after her second birthday. Graydon and Vivi played in their swing. Their fascination alternated between a lighted mobile and what happened on the television.

“Are you alright Tish?” he asked, pulling Vivi into his lap for a hug and kiss.

“Yeah. I want you to eat Sam; I'm sure you haven’t since lunch. I will be lucky if you even remembered lunch.”

He squeezed in a turkey and cheese on rye between meetings. That had been over six hours ago. He was starving.

“You better get your work done Sparky. I really don’t want Josh here all night.”

“Josh!” Lin exclaimed.

“Yes sweetie.” Tish stroked her hair. “Uncle Josh is here.”

Sam was concerned. Her clipped tone bothered him but he was not going to get down to the bottom of it in the next few minutes. Taking a deep breath, he leaned to kiss his wife. Though he promised not to be more than two hours, Tish hardly looked away from the television.

***

“Sam? Sam?” Josh waved his hand in front of the Deputy’s face. “Hell—o.”

“I'm listening.” Sam replied, snapping back to attention.

“I wasn’t talking. You’ve been reading the same page for about 20 minutes. You're…”

“I'm distracted.”

“A little bit. What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know.”

“OK.” Josh drank the last of his beer. “Do you want to just give this up for the night? We can find some other time to do this.”

“What other time?” Sam asked.

“Who knows? Maybe Sunday afternoon.”

“I need to spend the weekend with my family; I want to. Let’s just do this now Josh. Do you have those Memphis numbers?”

“Yeah.”

Josh dug around, grabbing a manila colored folder and handing it to his best friend. For the next 45 minutes he did his very best to concentrate on numbers. Robberies, rapes, murders, assault…slightly depressing work. He wanted to go and hug his children.

“Something is wrong with Tish.” He finally said.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know; I just don’t know. We've been so busy at the White House lately. I don’t think I have been paying enough attention.”

“You're really busy.” Josh said.

“That is not an excuse!” Sam exclaimed before checking his tone. “Yes, my job is important and it certainly keeps me busy but I have to pay attention to my family. I don’t want to be an absentee husband and father. Lots of men juggle this.”

“Isn't it hard to put 100% of yourself into work and family?”

“I did not delude myself into thinking it wouldn’t be. I still have to do it. Tish does it all and I worry about her.”

Josh knew Sam’s wife had always been supportive of him. She was his biggest cheerleader but he knew what the hours could do to a woman. Sam was also a father now; 12 and 13-hour days caused him to neglect his duties.

“Look, you take this half and I will take these. Spend some time with your family and read when they go to bed. I will get out of your hair.”

“Josh, I am not trying to throw you out. I…”

“It’s OK.” He put his hand on Sam’s shoulder. “You don’t need to explain anything to me. If things are kinda weird right now you don’t need to add me to the mix. Seriously Sam, walk me out.”

Nodding, the Deputy Communications Director walked Josh to the door. He thanked his best friend for what he was doing.

“It’s not much. I've been here an hour and forty-five minutes. Tell Tish goodnight.”

“Will do. Drive safely.”

Sam closed the door and went to find his wife. It was almost nine so he knew the kids were in bed. He would have to kiss them goodnight. Walking through the downstairs Sam didn't see Tish. He was going to take the back stairs up when he noticed the sliding door in the kitchen was ajar. At first that alarmed him, especially when he saw a figure standing on the deck. They stood under the awning so not to get wet from the rainy night. Sam moved closer, realizing it was his wife. He watched her back for a while, standing out there alone.

“Tish?”

“Jesus!”

“What are you doing?”

“You scared me to death.” she touched her heart. “I thought you and Josh were still working.”

“I see that. You’re smoking a cigarette.”

“Its one cigarette Sam.” As much as she wanted that last puff, Tish put it out in the ashtray. “It won't kill me.”

“You quit, and while one won't kill you you're breastfeeding our children.”

“There is enough breast milk in our freezer for a few months. I pump everyday like a fucking cow…the twins are safe from my dirty little secrets.”

“I wasn’t insinuating…”

“Whatever Sam.”

He breathed out of his nose. He wanted to say something else but definitely did not want to fight. Sam needed to walk away. It was for the better right now.

“I should walk the dogs.”

“Mmm hmm.”

Tish turned her back to him and lit another cigarette. Sam was desperate to reach out for her. Instead he went back into the house, whistling for the dogs. Peaches and Herb came running. They were always excited for their evening walk. He didn’t bother with an umbrella as they walked around the block. The late September rain that fell was warm and humid.

Sam ran into his neighbor, Craig Michaels, walking his cocker spaniel Pete. They spent a few minutes talking about the upcoming basketball season and if the Redskins had a chance in hell of making the playoffs this year. A little while later, he was back at home releasing the dogs. Downstairs was dark except for the living room lamp the Seaborns left on at night. While he knew Tish locked up Sam went around double-checking because he was paranoid about safety. When that was done and the alarm set, he went upstairs. Melinda was sound asleep and he stroked her face.

“Have sweet dreams baby girl.” He bent to kiss her forehead. Melinda stirred a bit but did not wake.

He went to the nursery to check on Gray and Vivi. They were asleep too; he gave them soft kisses and wished them sweet dreams. They were sleeping through the night most of the time so he did not want to disturb them. His walk down the hall was slow. He hit the squeaky floorboard and it stopped Sam in his tracks. A little laugh came out of him; he was being silly.

In the bedroom, Tish was curled up in one of the chairs. A blanket was thrown over her and she was knee deep in a James Patterson novel. For just a moment he looked at her as she read. She was so beautiful but seemed sad as she slowly turned the page. Sam did not want her to catch him looking at her, though that never bothered him in the past.

He turned back to the dresser, slowly taking off his clothes. He wanted a shower and then to curl up in bed with his wife. He was really in the mood tonight. It had been two weeks and on the grand scale of things that was not a long time. Still, Sam and Tish never usually let that kind of time go by. They enjoyed their physical and intimate relationship. He just wanted to be close to her.

“I'm going to take a shower.” He said.

He again looked at Tish, who acknowledged his comment with a nod and nothing more. Sam sighed and went into the bathroom.

***

Sam lingered in the bathroom, brushing his hair in the mirror. He ran his hand down his chest. He still had a six-pack but felt a bit fat…he had not been to the gym or in his basement for four days. It seemed as if he did not have time for anything. He sighed and knew he was going to have to make some changes. It surprised him when his wife came in and wrapped her arms around his chest. Sam shuddered as she kissed down his spine. He caressed her hands.

“I need to talk to you.” She said.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Come into the bedroom.”

Sam turned around, taking her hand and going into their bedroom. They sat down on the bed; Sam still in his towel and Tish dressed in panties and one of his tee shirts.

“Sam, I feel really overwhelmed. I'm under a lot of stress.”

“What's the matter honey?” he caressed her face.

“I just feel…trapped. My um, my cycle didn’t come on and I…oh God.”

“Are you pregnant Tish? We've been using condoms so I thought...”

She started to shake her head. Sam could see her struggling but the tears overcame her anyway.

“Talk to me honeybug. You know you can tell me anything.”

“I was scared to death. I can't have another baby right now. I should not feel that way and it’s awful that I would resent the idea of another baby.”

“You don’t have to feel bad.” He said.

“I took a test last week and I'm not pregnant.”

Sam hoped his sigh of relief was not obvious. They had a toddler and two infants; another baby would have splintered the wood carefully holding everything together.

“I am a horrible mother for feeling overjoyed about that.” she sobbed.

“Shh, stop that Tish.” Sam pulled her close and held her tight to him. “You know you are not a bad mother. Don’t say that. You are a wonderful mother and our kids will tell you so as soon as they learn to talk. They are healthy, happy, and love you so much. I am not holding up my end of the bargain. That is going to stop right now.”

“It’s just so overwhelming sometimes. Diapers, milk, baby shows; the walls are closing in Sam. I used to have a life.”

He hushed her, rubbing her back. That’s why she was smoking; she was stressed. She did not need to beat herself up like that. Tish clung to her husband and tried to stop crying. It was harder than she thought. It was finally all coming out…the weights were falling off her shoulders. Normally that would be good but Tish felt the weights had been holding her in reality. Now she held onto Sam so she wouldn’t float away.

“What are we going to do?” she whispered.

“We will call around to agencies and get a nanny. There is nothing wrong with needing help. Our kids are small and they can be a handful. You need some time for yourself. You need to see your friends and maybe take a local job or two. I work so many hours and can't always help as I should. That does not mean you have to take it all on your shoulders Tish.” He pulled her away from him and looked at her tearstained face. “We will take care of each other and we will take care of the children.”

“I just want to be a good mom. My mom is a good mom.”

“You are Tish. I cannot express how good you are with our kids.”

“I know, I know. I am good with the kids. I just worry I'm not doing enough.”

Sam told her that she was. Doing some things for herself was going to balance the scales. She needed to rest more, spend more time with friends, light candles, take long baths, dance to songs on the radio like she used to. She was spending all of her time with babies. She would be returning to work in January; she didn’t need to be exhausted before he even got there. Tish needed a break…her children had been her primary focus since Melinda came into their lives full-time thirteen months ago.

“I need to be better with my family.” Sam said. He leaned back on the bed, taking his wife with him. “I will go into work late tomorrow. You sleep in and I will take care of the kids and look into getting us some help. I know it’s not as much as I should be doing but…”

“It’s just a lot Sam, for the both of us. I would never blame you for working as much as you do. I was the one who encouraged you to go back to the White House. It would be a lot for anyone I guess. Let’s just get some help so we can both have the time we need to be us.”

“Yeah.” He stroked her hair. “Honey, if you ever feel overwhelmed please just talk to me. I was worried about you and when I saw you smoking it really concerned me.”

“It was only one cigarette. I can admit to lighting the second one to tick you off, and that was childish.”

“I do not intend to jump on your back about that. I just figured if it had gotten that far then there was a lot you weren’t sharing with me. You never have to be afraid to tell me anything.”

Tish nodded. She didn’t say much else but she curled up with her husband, resting her head on his chest. They were quiet for a while, the Seaborns listening to rain outside of their window. Sam stroked his wife’s hair and felt her calm down. He wondered how long she had been carrying all of this. He wondered what kept Tish from telling him about her feelings.

“Sparky?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, very much.” He took her face into his hands. “I want to kiss you.”

“You need to make a formal announcement?” she asked.

“I'm just keeping the lines of communication open.”

Tish smiled, accepting her husband’s soft and then passionate kisses. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him even closer. He wanted her; she could feel it and she wanted him too.

“Do you want to make love?” he murmured, still kissing her as their bodies shifted on the bed.

“Oh God yes. Mmm, yes Sam.”

She stroked down his spine as he moved her legs apart and settled his body there.

“Are you sure?”

“Stop asking questions.” She laughed a bit.

“Honeybug…”

“I am aching for you.”

Oh my God, how could he resist something like that? Not that he wanted to resist. He had heard the fear in Tish’s voice when she thought she was pregnant again. He knew how scared he felt. Still, they used protection every single time. That was something that was never compromised.

“I just need to make sure you're alright.” He said, pulling her panties down her legs. They were string bikinis with little martini glasses on them.

Tish nodded, stripping him of his towel. She did not want to talk anymore; she wanted to make love. Sam gave her what she wanted until she whimpered and cried out his name. He wanted it too. He wanted to feel her body tremble against his, her breasts press on his chest and her breath on his skin as they brought each other to exhausting climax. Sam held Tish tight as they came down from the euphoria. He covered her lips with tender kisses while Tish ran her fingers through his damp hair.

“Hold onto me.” she said.

“You never have to be concerned about that. I knew I couldn’t let you go just about the first night we met.”

“You're sweet.”

“I'm honest. Who would ever want to let you go?”

She wanted to say something cheeky but couldn’t. She just held her husband. Still, Tish ended up getting out of bed. She just wanted to check on the kids once more before she fell asleep. Gray had been feeling groggy; she wanted to make sure he was sleeping soundly. Sam couldn’t understand how she could ever see herself as a bad mother. Peaches came into the room as Tish left. Climbing onto the bed, Sam cuddled with her as he made a quick call. After a few rings an electronic voicemail picked up.

‘Toby Ziegler is not available. Leave a message after the tone. To send a numeric page, please press 5.’

BEEP! “Toby, it’s Sam, and it’s a little after eleven. I have some family obligations so I will not be at the White House until about noon. Sorry for the short notice but I have to handle things. Call me if you need anything. Thanks, goodnight.”

“Were you on the phone?” Tish asked, coming back into the room. She left the door ajar, opened the window some, and climbed back into bed.

“I called Toby to tell him I was coming in late tomorrow.” Sam once again freed her from her tee shirt. “So while you're sleeping in daddy will handle some things. It’s not a lot but it will give you some rest. We can call agencies together and get some help.”

“OK.” Tish nodded. “Help is going to be good.”

“Yeah.” Sam kissed her once more. “I love you honeybug.”

“I love you too Sparky.”

“Do you feel better?”

“I always do after we talk. It’s OK that I'm not Superwoman. I know I am a good mom and part of being a good mom is being able to stop and say I need a little help.”

“We’ll get it for you. Get some rest Tishy…it’s been a long day.”

They spooned as Peaches cuddled in close with Tish. She fell asleep with her husband’s arms around her, feeling better about how she would handle things from here on out.

***


End file.
